Well. This is the last installment of Things in History You Should Know, originally published here. Odd.
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Welcome to the third week of our Historical Relationships That Ended Badly Month! Like last week, it involves royalty. Like the week before, it involves religion. And royalty + religion = fun times.
You may be vaguely aware that over the course of several centuries, or at the very least since Henry VIII decided divorce was for him, England had issues with religion.
In order to address these, they set themselves up with a brand new church (aptly named the Church of England) and set the monarch up as the head of this church. And after they realized the incredible awkwardness of having a Catholic heading a Protestant church (see the examples of Bloody Mary and James II), they enacted certain “laws.”
Laws that stated that a Catholic was ineligible to succeed to the throne, and that any descendent of George II absolutely could not go get married all willy-nilly without the reigning monarch’s consent.
Naturally, during the reign of George III, his eldest son (George, Prince of Wales) fell in love with and secretly married a twice-widowed Catholic woman, Maria Fitzherbert. She was pretty, common, educated, pleasant and a completely inappropriate wife for the heir to the throne.
Obviously, they couldn’t keep it secret forever (how else would you be reading this?) and knowledge of it came out at pretty much the worst possible time for Prince George. Namely, when he was in debt on a gargantuan scale and asking Parliament for money.
So he was obliged to, through the medium of the leader of the Whig party, publically deny association with that floozy, Mrs. Fitzherbert. This pissed her off severely, but not so much that she broke it off with him. For what it’s worth, Pope Pius VII was on her side, but he was Catholic, so who cares?
Well, they continued to associate with each other, of course, and George III had the wretched luck to slowly succumb to madness over the course of a few decades. But in 1795, well before he was forced to hand the reigns of what passed for ruling over and thus begin the Regency period, George III decided his son had to marry. Properly, this time. To someone who wasn’t Catholic: the prince’s cousin, Caroline of Brunswick. Did the prince consent to this? Yes. Why, when as far as he was concerned, he had a perfectly cromulent wife already? Because he was in debt, again, and wouldn’t get the cash otherwise.
Now, Caroline was neither pretty, common or educated, and she was a bit too crude to be considered pleasant, but she certainly didn’t deserve being married to Prince George. The prince, not apparently having looked in the mirror lately or having noticed the ever-increasing size of his trousers, thought she was ugly, hideous, etc.
They only managed to overcome their mutual disgust enough to have sex three times, which was enough to conjure up a daughter, Charlotte. After that? They kept as far away from each other, living in separate households, and carrying on with other people.
For the prince, this included Mrs. Fitzherbert and his mistress and Caroline’s former Lady of the Bedchamber, Lady Jersey. For further lemon juice in the paper cut, he drew up a new will, leaving everything to Maria, with a tiny exception for Caroline; she got a shilling.
On the plus side for her, she was much, much, much more popular than the prince, whom everyone regarded as a corpulent jerkface. This is because he was, in fact, a corpulent jerkface. She also got to visit her daughter frequently and adopt a whole mess of foster children. One of these, a wee little baby named William Austin, caused a speck of trouble for her when she fell out with the neighbours.
Years passed, until we reach 1811. George III is declared insane and the Regency officially begins. The prince used his new powers to be a dick and keep Caroline from their daughter Charlotte. Propaganda was flung in both directions,
In the meantime, Princess Charlotte, heir to the throne after her father and whom everyone thought was awesome, was married. In short order, she got pregnant. The child was stillborn and Charlotte died soon after the birth. The prince didn’t even bother to write a quick note to tell Caroline, foisting off the duties on some other poor, grief-stricken schmuck. That note never got written, but the prince’s letter to the pope did. The one that suggested that Caroline’s marriage was invalid. And that’s how she found out her daughter was dead.
In 1820, the prince became King George IV and Caroline returned to England to get her rights all recognized – such as her right to become queen, for instance. George didn’t play ball. He locked the doors to his own coronation ceremony leaving her banging on them during the event. He even offered her money to just go away and when that failed, tried to divorce her on grounds of adultery.
For her part, Caroline denied committing adultery, except in the case of Mrs. Fitzherbert’s husband. Zing.
Needless to say, the attempt failed and Caroline continued to be popular with everyone including the reformers until she died the next year. Riots broke out when it was discovered that the powers that be diverted her funeral procession from London. George died in 1830 after years of excess. Maria outlived them all, dying in 1837, now well regarded by the royals and having turned down the offer of a duchy.
At least they didn’t end up like the Hapsburgs or Romanovs.
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